The Seven Kids
by DreadLock Mad Master
Summary: What do you get when you cross seven armed billy goats, a hungry wolf, and a thousand volts of electricity? Pure comedy. This is my comedic version of the "Wolf and the Seven Kids" fable. Hope everyone enjoys! :


Hey! This is my first fanfic based on a fable. I hope everyone likes it! :)

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-THE WOLF and the 7 Kids-

Once upon a time an old mother goat went out to fetch some food at the market. Before leaving, she warned her seven kids to be wary of that wretched wolf which they would recognize by his rough voice and black paws. So the old mother goat trotted out of the house and into the forest, while the seven kids bolted and "charged" the iron door behind her. All kids were at their post casting cautious glances, keeping a wary eye out for the wolf.

Soon, as expected, a knock came at the door and a very rough voice, although trying to sound lighter, came through and said sweetly:

"_Open the door dear childr…" ZAAAAAAAPPPPPPP!!_

As the wolf flung back, volts of electricity followed and he lay down motionless on the ground, except for some involuntary twitches. One of the kids came out to check his pulse, then took his wallet and trotted back in again.

When the wolf came too, he staggered towards the door. Taking a big stick, he said, not as nicely as the first time, "_Open up lamb chops! I brought somth'in to give to each of ya._"

He whacked the stick against the door fiercely, with a few extra words to add to his first sentence.

One of the kids answered, "_You are not our mother, she has a soft, pleasant voice…yours is rough!_" So the wolf decided to go shopping.

"Taking out" the shopkeeper, he stole a lump of chalk so he could eat it to make his voice softer.

"_I would have paid, if it wasn't for those stinkin' kids…", _the wolf mumbled.

The wolf tried knocking again, _this_ time with rubber gloves, and said, "_Open the door little children. This is your mother who has something for each of you… little darlings."_

The kids looked at each other, not at all convinced. One of them crouched at the door and peeked underneath.

"_You're not our mother! She doesn't have black, hairy paws like yours… and smelly! Whewwwee!"_

The wolf kicked the door in rage, smacking the kid right in the nose who cried out with a muffled squeal of pain. The wolf laughed aloud, banging the door with his foot crazily. Nose stinging, the kid, with angry blood-shot eyes, turned up the voltage to the well-wired entry.

_ZAAAAAAAPPPPPPP!!_

The wolf then darted to a baker. Holding him by his collar, he literally barked orders to rub some dough on his sore and aching feet. The wolf then ran to the Miller's shop and demanded some white meal to put on his paws. Now The miller, who knew the wolfs tricks and deceptions, refused the request.

The wolf pulled him over the counter and looked him straight in the eye.

_"Don't give me no crock Miller! Gimme that darn meal while you still got a face!!" _So the miller, diligently, did what he was told.

As he came back to the house he checked himself over. Satisfied, he knocked upon the door, speaking ever so sweetly, "_Little pigs…cough…I mean…Open the door little children. This is your mother who has something for y…" _

"_Put your arms up to the window so we can see them!" _

The wolf did and when the little kids saw that they were white, not black and hairy, were overjoyed!

They tossed away the rifles over their shoulders and cried out, _" It's you! It's you! We believe what you say is true! We believe! We BELIEVE!. _They unbolted the door and turned off the charges.

"_Amen to that"_, The wolf said to himself as he slipped into the house with a wide grin.

"_No! Wait! You fools!_" shouted one of the kids, but it was too late. The joyous hoots of glee soon turned to sudden yells of horror! Fur from both animals were flying everywhere, the wolf howling in triumph.

"_Teach you to zap me, will ya?!…"_

In a only matter of seconds, the wolf gulped them whole. Massacre, complete and utter massacre.

Soon, moments after these events had occurred, old mother goat returned from her merry day at the market and knocked upon the door saying, ever so sweetly, "_Open the door little children. Your mother is here and has brought something back with her for each one of you... Would you like that?" _

_**ZAAAAAAAPPPPPPP!! **_

The mother goat shot backward toward the ground, her legs straight in the air, groceries scattering abroad.

When the youngest kid, who had managed to escape the wolf by hiding in the clock-case, saw it was his _real_ mother, he rushed over to her side.

"_I told them mother, I told them, not to open the door, but they wouldn't listen…"_

The mother goat, favoring her right hip, sat up and slapped the kid across the face.

"_OH-oww",_ cried the poor kid as the mother wobbled to her hooves and started dragging him through the meadow in pursuit of her kids.

The mother goat and the kid found the wolf sprawled out under a tree, mouth agape, snoring loudly enough that anyone in a mile radius could hear. The mother goat noticed movement in the belly of the wolf, also hearing tiny, crying pleas for help.

"_Help! Somebody! Help! We can't survive in here! Please! Help! We can't breathe! It's awful in here! HEEEELLLLP!!" _

"_Shut up!!", _roared the wolf, eyes closed, but not getting any sleep at all.

"_HEEEELLLLP!!" _they cried. He socked himself hard in the stomach.

"_I said shut- WHOO!!" _The wolf sank to his knees, doubling over, as much as his bulge would allow, and swore underneath his breath. Some giggles could be heard coming from inside him and the wolf growled slumping back down by the tree in pain.

When old mother goat saw that he was asleep again, she sent her kid for some scissors and a needle and thread. She started cutting the wolf's midsection, while the kid gingerly held the stun gun at the beasts throat, in case he awoke.

With one cut a kid thrust its head out gasping at the top of his lungs.

"_FREEDOM!!!!"._

The wolf woke with a jerk, _"What? What!?…**OH GOSH!!!**" _

**_BZZZZZZZZZT! _**

The wolf was down, the kid holding the stunner, smiling with satisfaction.

With another cut all six sprang forth one after the other and were still alive, suffering no injury whatsoever. With the exception of the sounds of wheezing from lack of oxygen…

Before sewing the wretched wolf up, mother goat decided on the idea to fill his stomach full with heavy rocks. The kids smiled impishly and did so as fast as they could. Searching for the most pointy stones that one could find.

At length, after the wolf awoke from his horrible nightmare of a goat's head sticking out from his stomach, he stood up.

For some unknown reason he felt completely parched, like his mouth was dry from the inside out. So he went to a well to have himself a drink.

He soon noticed foggly that his recent meal had become quite a bit heavier since the last hour, but thought nothing else about it. Then, to his surprised horror, while he stooped over the void, his center of gravity suddenly shifted, out of any means or bounds of his own control! Forward, the stones within him toppled downward into the watery depths, bringing the howling, terrified wolf along as well… well… get it??? With a big **'_KASPLOOSHH' _**he was gone, drowning quite miserably.

"_DIE! DIE! YOU BAD OL' WOLF!! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!"_

The mother goat cuffed her kid hard on the ear, who squealed aloud in anguish.

And thus, after they stopped up the opening to the well, before filling it to the brim with rocks _**juuust **_in case, mother goat and the seven kids, pranced around it with glee, joy, and happiness. Ever mocking the wolf to this very day. _Yay!_

~THE END~

_ Living happily ever after, besides the wolf…_


End file.
